One Month…Amazing how life changes

The last time I blogged on here, it was to talk about how the match had fallen through and we were back in the waiting game.  A game that we were all too familiar with, after years of infertility.  Waiting for my period to start, waiting for ovulation, waiting through the 2WW, waiting for that elusive positive pregnancy test.  Then waiting for treatment cycles, waiting for IVF, and finally, waiting through the adoption process.

We were no strangers to waiting, that’s for sure.  And yet, everyone would tell me that the wait would one day be over, and our dream of having a child would come true.  All good things come to those who wait, many reminded me…and while that was true on so many levels, it’s hard to hear and even harder to practice.  But, like all good sayings that stand the test of time, it was true.

So, now I stand here, at my kitchen counter, staring at a baby monitor.  One month ago, our lives changed inexplicably.  It was two days after the 4th of July (and consequently, two days after we FINALLY finished our massive basement remodel, lovingly hash tagged as #homeremodelhell on Instagram), and I was sitting on the couch, binge watching “The Great British Baking Show” on Netflix.

(Sidenote:  Seriously, if you haven’t watched it, you need to.  RIGHT.  THIS.  SECOND.  Mary Berry is my grandmother dream…nothing like a boozy grandma, right there).

Anyways, as I was watching Netflix, J was out for a bike ride.  We’ve both been training for various triathlons, so he was on a training ride, and I was taking a morning off.  Then, my phone rang.  It was my contact at the agency.  Honestly, I didn’t think anything of it.  We chat via text quite frequently, and I thought maybe she was calling to ask for more books, or had a question about something or other on our home study.  Maybe, MAYBE, she was calling to tell us that an expecting mother liked our book and wanted to talk to us.

Nothing prepared me for the direction the conversation took, however.  “We had a mother give birth last night to a baby boy, and she loved you guys.  She wants to talk to you, as soon as possible.”

And thus, the journey began.  I’m pretty sure I asked her if she was sure at least four different times.  And then thanked her, and cried, and thanked her again.  Then she told me to call J and get him back from his training ride, as G (the birth mother) wanted to talk to us both.  So…I did.  And then I called J, and cried on the phone to him (he thought something was wrong with the cats because he couldn’t understand a word out of my mouth…poor guy), and he raced home.

We got on the phone with G, and talked for a half hour or so.  Getting to know each other, answering questions we each had.  She wanted to know what we wanted to name him (we had no clue), and we wanted to ask how “open” she’d like this adoption to be.  It was rushed, and hurried, and full of love and concern for one special little boy.

After getting off the phone, J and I pretty much raced around the house getting ready.  Baby boy was in Louisiana, which was a 13 hour drive, so we had to plan what all to take on our road trip.  Plus, with ICPC (Interstate Compact for Placement of Children), we had no idea how long we would be in Louisiana (typically 10-15 days to be allowed to leave the state and travel home), so we needed to take a lot of stuff to get through the stay.  After showering and packing the car, we got on our way and headed south!

We arrived and went straight to the hospital to meet the birth mom and the baby.  Words can’t describe just how many emotions went through our hearts and minds at the enormity of what was before both us and the birth mom.  It was incredibly hard to watch her grieve, but we tried to help where we could.

After being released from the hospital, little man came back to an apartment with us until paperwork cleared and we could go home.  Once that happened, we packed back up the car and started the journey back to our house.  From there, we’ve spent the past few weeks just getting settled.  Little man is schooling us in the ways of babies, but man it’s hard.  Worth every minute, but incredibly hard.  He’s now a little over a month old, and it continually amazes me just how much our lives have changed in just a little over 30 days.

The journey is just starting, and it’s sure to be a wild ride!

Much love,
K.

Starting Over

itsrealI realize it’s been awhile since I’ve posted.  Obviously, many days have passed, and so much has happened.

 

The match fell through and the adoption is off.

 

We lost contact with the expecting mom in early April.  We were concerned, but the agency was still in contact, so we tried not to worry about it.  Unfortunately, the agency also lost contact with her around the beginning of May.  At that point, we tried to reach out one last time, and didn’t hear anything.  We knew something was up, but wasn’t sure what.

We decided to stick with it until the birth, thinking maybe she was just in a bad place, and we didn’t want to abandon her.  We worried she had considered parenting, and if that were her decision, we were prepared to support that decision fully.  We didn’t hear anything for a bit, and decided to take a mini-vacation to Colorado over the Memorial Day weekend.

Once we returned, we heard back from the agency.  EM had given birth and the match was fully terminated.  It’s hard, and heartbreaking, but something that we always knew was a possibility.  That we would come to the end of this leg of the journey, and not necessarily have the outcome we desired.

So, here we are, back at the beginning.  I don’t relish the thought of starting over, but know there’s nothing else we can do aside from wait and pray.  We thank you all for your support and well wishes, they mean the world to us!

Much love,
K.

Countdown…48 days!

adoptI can’t believe that we are in the home stretch!  It’s 48 days until the official “due date”…and it completely and utterly boggles my mind!

Admittedly, stress is high.  I’m worried things will fall through, worried that something will happen, worried about becoming a parent…pretty much worried about everything you could think of.  I’m trying not to let it sully these coming weeks, but I have a feeling the next month is going to DRAG on forever.

The nursery is done.  We’ve been working on other house repairs in the hopes of getting all the big stuff completely before the baby is born.  It’s been a long process, but we’re at the tail end, so that is comforting!

Otherwise, we’re just waiting!  I feel like the wait is nearly at an end, but I’m also somewhat scared to get too excited.  It’ll definitely be an interesting month and a half!

Much love,
K.

More Nursery Work

When J and I first started talking about nursery stuff, one of the things everyone recommended was a recliner to sit in for feedings, readings, sleeping, etc.  Neither J or I are being recliner people…we’ve never had one and haven’t really missed it any.  However, we ARE both huge IKEA people…and our house is a good testament to that!  One of our favorite chairs in our house is our POANG chair that’s in our living room.  Honestly, I could sit in that thing for hours on end (and J DOES sit in it for hours on end), because it’s incredibly comfortable.  I like the bounce that it has from the leg design, and it’s great for just bouncing/rocking while watching TV.

So…we got a POANG chair for the nursery too!  I put it together a few weeks ago and the cats have been exploring it (like they do everything), but from the beginning I was a bit “meh” over the covers that IKEA currently have in stock.  Nothing really stood out to me, so I just got the boring beige cover that was the cheapest and vowed to recover it myself.  Because, you know…I don’t have enough projects.

poang chairThe fabric has changed multiple times throughout the nursery planning (including this GORGEOUS floral fabric that I bought and stashed away for when baby girl is a bit older), but I finally settled on a turquoise arrow fabric that plays off the wall decal that we have on the wall behind the crib.  I settled in and read some blog tutorials on how to recover the chair, and it seemed fairly easy!  Two yards of wide (54″) home decor fabric, a few sewed seams, and voila!  This was my first attempt, and when I do it again next time with different fabric, I’m sure I’ll make some changes to the design of the cover, but overall I’m pleased with the results!

The nursery is really coming together!  All we have left to do is get a dresser set up and then I think we’ll be finished!  10 weeks to go…counting down!

Much love,
K.

A Little Trip Down South

Last week, J and I took a trip down south to visit with the expecting mom (EM) we’ve been matched with.  Back when we were first matched, we asked her if she would mind if we came to visit her prior to the birth, just so we could meet and get to know each other better.  She was completely fine with it, and over the past few months we’ve been looking for a good time to make a trip.

Well, I’m happy to report that the visit went very well!  We had lunch and hung out, and I gave her the quilt that I had been working on for her.  She seemed to really like it, and both J and I really enjoyed our time hanging out and having lunch with her, getting to know her more and just talking.  It was really relaxed and felt really comfortable, which was exactly what we were hoping for!

EM is now moving into her 29th week.  She should be having a scan soon to see if her placenta previa has moved any.  If not, it’s likely they’ll schedule a c-section for her and the baby will come earlier than her due date.  It’s crazy to think that we’re only around 10 weeks out from meeting this baby!  I keep hoping that things continue along this path and that EM feels comfortable and confident in her decision to place, but a part of me worries constantly that it’ll fall through.  I know, statistically, it usually works out, but lately I’ve been hearing stories of the other side, where the placements fall through, and it has me terrified.

For now, we’re just keeping on, keeping on!  We’re still working on the house remodel projects and getting things ready.  Time is flying by and before long we’ll be (hopefully) very busy!

Much love,
K.

Nursery Update!

crib-and-decalThe nursery has been a source of such excitement (and sometimes despair) over the past month or so.  Before we even decided on adoption, we had painted the nursery, along with my craft room, a neutral grey.  It’s a very light grey, so it was easily considered “gender neutral.”  Then as the adoption wait continued, we decided on colors, rather than a theme: Navy, Turquoise, and Grey.  Colors that would work well with either a boy or a girl (and I do love a good Navy color!).

Then, a few weeks ago, the anatomy scan revealed that our Expecting Mother was having a baby girl, and all good plans went by the wayside!  I won’t lie, I had a moment of insanity where I wanted to scrap all the plans that we’d put in place for the nursery and start over with a blank slate…well, not blank, but a slate full of lush floral patterns, deep purples and hazy greys…and J immediately was having none of it.

Thankfully, cooler heads prevailed (especially before I tossed everything we’d already bought for the nursery) and I got back on track.  We looked far and wide for the right decal to put on the wall…something that brought out our love of travel and adventure, and something that would take up a fair amount of space on the wall.  We finally found one we both liked on Etsy, and last night we put it up on the wall!

It’s only a small start, but we have until June to make the room perfect.  I’ve been enjoying the slow process of putting it all together!

Much love,
K.

 

The Countdown…133 days!

It’s crazy how my posts have taken such a turn…from counting down the months waiting for a match, to counting down the days until the baby is here!

Last week was the anatomy scan (which was quite the ordeal, in and of itself), and we were THRILLED to hear that the baby was doing very well, growing on schedule and looking perfect.  Our expecting mother also told us that the baby is a GIRL!!!  We are absolutely THRILLED to welcome a daughter into our family!

Our expecting mother is also doing well, but found out that she has a condition that could result in the need for a C-section instead of a vaginal birth.  We’re hoping things clear up and she is able to continue with the vaginal birth, but as long as she’s healthy and happy with the care she’s receiving, we’re completely fine with however this turns out.  She’s such a sweet and caring person, and we really care about how she’s doing and making sure she’s feeling happy and well taken care of.

We’re looking to make a visit to see her soon, hopefully mid-march.  She’d like to do a walk-through at the hospital with us, so that we can see where she’ll give birth and meet some of the staff.  In addition, she’s also asked that I be with her in the delivery room, which means a lot to me.  I was clear with her that if she changes her mind, it’s COMPLETELY ok, and I don’t want her to feel pressured to have me in there.  For now, that’s the plan, but I fully recognize that could change in an instant and just plan to play it by ear.

So…we’re 133 days (give or take) away from being parents.  It’s a crazy feeling, but we’re so excited!

Much love,
K.