The Wait…Three Months and Counting

It’s been a little over three months since we went “live” with our agency, and we’re still waiting.  I try to tell myself that we were told, up front, that the average wait time was 18-24 months, and we’re nowhere near that…but it’s hard.

Yesterday was a bit of a kick in the head.  A really good friend of mine has been thinking she’s been going through menopause (she’s in her mid-forties), and we’ve been talking about that.  I encouraged her to take a pregnancy test, just in case, because this woman is one of the most fertile people I’ve ever met.  She really didn’t think she was pregnant, but yesterday morning she decided to test just in case.  She’s pregnant, shocked, and excited (this will be child #4), and I am thrilled for her!  However, not five hours later, from finding out she’s pregnant, another friend who had started the adoption journey at the same time as us posted on her FB page that they had turned in their final bits of paperwork last week, and that same day they were matched with an expecting mother due in a week.  Last weekend, the baby was born and they’ve already brought her home.  Their “wait” for a match was half a day, and their daughter was home within a week.

And, honestly, I am so happy for them, but I’m also frustrated and sad and disappointed for us.  It’s like every time I breathe, someone new is getting pregnant, having a child, and now, getting matched and bringing home a baby.  It feels like there is this gaping hole in my chest that doesn’t seem to want to close, and with each day I worry that this will never happen for us.  I know we’re early in the adoption wait, but it’s been YEARS now that we’ve been trying for a child.  I know I just need to keep faith that this is all part of God’s plan and it WILL happen, but there are times when I’m doubtful.  We’ll get through it, and I’m sure I’ll get my positivity back eventually, but I think it might take a little bit.  I’m trying very hard not to wallow, so for the next few weeks I’m just going to do my best to focus on home remodel projects, exercise and eating healthy, and other fun things in life.  We’ll be going to Washington D.C. at the end of August, so I’m looking forward to that!  And, who knows…maybe my next update will be that we’re matched!

Much love,
K.