Oh boy…

I’m one of “those women” now.  You know, the ones who stalk the baby sites and check out estimated due date calculators.  The ladies who have lists of baby names to pull from, should that coveted BFP ever show up. I’ve got private Pinerest boards dedicated to nurseries that might never see the light of day, and I’m already wondering how much child will deal with the inevitable allergies of having three cats in the house.  I honestly never thought I’d get to this point, where it feels like my entire focus is consumed by getting pregnant and having a child.

In case you were wondering, if we get pregnant this month, I’ll be due 8/5/2015.


HSG Test…otherwise known as “Everyone Can See My Ute”

Yesterday was my HSG (Hysterosalpingogram).  An HSG is a test to check whether there are any blockages in the fallopian tubes. The RE will use a catheter to push dye into your uterus, and watch to make sure it flows through the fallopian tubes without any obstructions.  When the doctor told me about this, I immediately thought, “Well, that sound like much fun.”  And, of course, I was right.

The HSG was done at a surgery center.  I had to start a round of antibiotics (only three days’ worth, total) prior to the procedure, to prevent any infection.  So, two pills the day before, two the day of, and two the day after…nothing too terrible.  The doctor had also recommended that I take some OTC pain medicine (like Tylenol) prior to the procedure, as it could be “uncomfortable”.

And, while it wasn’t pleasant, it wasn’t the worst experience ever.  There was pressure and a small amount of cramping, but it was over before I knew it.  Plus, I got the added bonus of being able to watch the dye flow through my tubes while it was happening, so that really helped distract me too.  Plus, when I say it was quick, I mean it was QUICK!  From start of the test to finish, it was under 2 minutes.  Can’t really complain there!

So, the results were instantaneous.  Everything is fine, there are no blockages.  J and I are now officially diagnosed with “unexplained infertility,” which sort of sucks.  On one hand, I’m glad there’s nothing wrong.  On the other hand, if nothing is wrong, then there’s nothing to “fix”…and nothing to blame for why we’ve been trying so long with no success.  It’s such a mind game, infertility, and I hate it!

Going forward, the plan is to try a few more months naturally, to see if anything happens. Sometimes, even though there are no blockages, after an HSG is ran on a woman, they manage to get pregnant after the test. My RE is hoping I’m one of those lucky ladies. If nothing has happened by January, then the plan is to go back in to talk with the RE about medicated cycles and trying with an IUI. I’m hoping it doesn’t come to that, but I am glad that there’s a plan in place to work through things…I’m a planner by nature, so it helps me to feel a bit more comfortable with things. In the meantime, I’m just going to keep praying and trying to not get too worked up about things! Wish me luck!



Getting Some Results, Finally.

Yesterday, we finally got our results back from the RE on the husband’s sperm analysis.  While some areas are lower than they’d like to see as “normal” levels, nothing is so bad that we can’t work with it.

The levels that are lower than the RE would like to see can hopefully be helped with the wash that the doctor can do prior to insemination, if we do an IUI.  I still have an HSG scheduled for myself on Monday, which will give us some more information on whether I have any blockages in my fallopian tubes.  If I do not have any blockages, the doctor initially talked of us trying a few more cycles on our own, to see if we get pregnant without any help.  He mentioned that, sometimes, just the HSG test is enough to sort of clean things up and improve changes of pregnancy without assistance.

Honestly, I’m not sure how I feel about that.  I feel like we’ve been doing the “wait and see” approach for 20 cycles now, and I’m tired of “waiting and seeing.”  I would like to do something extra to improve our chances…which probably just means that I’m ridiculously impatient, but there you have it.  I plan on speaking with the doctor on Monday to see if we can maybe do an un-medicated IUI cycle this month or next, and then considering fertility meds along with an IUI in 2015.  I just feel like I need to do MORE than what I’m doing now.

So, the good news is J’s results are ok.  Not great, but definitely workable, and I know he’s relieved that the problem doesn’t reside solely with him.  I don’t anticipate any blockages, so I feel like we will fall into the category of unexplained infertility.  I just continue to pray and hope that it all works out in the end.

RE Office…Waiting

I’m sitting in the RE’s office after having yet another vial of blood drawn. I’m waiting on the hubs, as we’re both in for more testing today. My blood work was to look at progesterone levels and J is here for a sperm analysis (SA). My results will be back later today, but we’ll have to wait five to six business days for J’s results. The waiting is the hardest part.

I feel like it’s going to be a long five days…

Life Never Promises “Fair”…

I feel like this entire process is a giant bowl of “unfair.”  I hate that we have zero control over whether we’ll actually get pregnant.  Ok, that’s not true, we have some control…like whether we have sex at the right time, but other than that?  Nothing.  No control.  And I absolutely LOATHE feeling like I have no control.

Maybe this is God’s way of teaching me a lesson.  I mean, I’m sure it’s God’s way of teaching me something…maybe it’s patience.  Maybe it’s the lesson that, in reality, very little is in our control in this life.  Ok, God…I get it.  Enough with the lessons.

I swear, if I see one/hear more pregnancy announcement on FB/at work/wherever, I’ll probably do something I’ll end up regretting.  Like have a full emotional breakdown, complete with the ugly cry.  I really hope this month is our month.  I’m nervous about our upcoming testing and, if possible, I’d like to avoid it altogether.  Emotionally, I’m not sure how many more months of this I can take.