For those of you who follow the blog, you remember that I just underwent an egg retrieval for IVF last week (a week ago today, actually). During stims, they reported between seventeen to eighteen follicles, and on retrieval day, they got eleven eggs.
The next morning, we were told that of the eleven eggs, eight were mature. Of those, seven fertilized, which was great! I was worried that it wasn’t enough, because I’m greedy like that, but we were well on our way.
As I’m sure you’ve probably figured out from my lack of posting on this…the day 5 report wasn’t great. Of the seven fertilized eggs, two eggs stopped maturing at the 4-cell mark, so early into the process. The remaining five eggs were at the stage prior to blastocyst, so they were going to keep an eye on them for another day to see if they matured further. We were told this wasn’t uncommon, and that hopefully they’d have good news for us the next day.
Monday rolled around (Day 6), and the news was pretty much the worst you can get. Of the five embryos they were watching, four never progressed past the stage they were at the day prior. One embryo actually progressed to blast, but it was so abnormally formed that they could neither biopsy it or keep it for freeze.
So…in the end, we have nothing. Nothing to freeze, nothing to transfer, nothing to even test to see what went wrong. Sunday (Day 5) I was pretty gutted, but still somewhat optimistic because I have a few friends that this happened to, and resulted in successful pregnancies. On Monday, I received the call while at work. I think I’ve been numb ever since. I can’t help feeling like there is absolutely no hope after this point. I don’t even know where to go from here, and I don’t know if anyone can even pinpoint what exactly went wrong.
We have a follow-up appointment with my RE on Thursday. I’m hoping he has some answers on what we can do next, if there are even any options available to us. Currently, J isn’t overly excited about donor egg/sperm/embryos, but we haven’t discussed it at length yet, and I don’t feel like I’m ready to give up on being pregnant and carrying our child. I know, logically, that even if we don’t end up having children (biological or adoptive), we’ll still have each other and be very happy and fulfilled, but that doesn’t seem to help right now.
I go back and forth between numb, enraged, depressed, resigned, and just lost. J is helping as much as he can, but there isn’t much he can do. I’m just holding tight to the hope that Thursday gives us some answers.