The Wait…One Month In

I know the idea of blogging about our wait, one month at a time, must make it seem like I’m stressed out about how long this will take.  And some of you (hell…who are we kidding, probably MOST of you) are thinking, “Woah, girl…slow it down, it’s only 30 days in and you’re already stressed out?  This wait is gonna suck for you!”  And, you’d be right.  Sort of…

The weird truth is, I’m not really stressed.  In fact, I’m still trying to come to grips with the reality that we’re in.  Realistically, I know that we could be matched at any time (be it tonight, or two years down the road), but it still seems somewhat surreal.  Like there’s someone behind a curtain waiting to spring out and tell us, “Just kidding!  You have 5 more documents to sign, 8 more background checks, and 2 more letter of recommendation.  Oh, and also, your house needs a petting zoo” or something equally ridiculous.  I guess it just doesn’t seem REAL at this point.

Most days, I wake up, and this adoption is the furthest thing from my mind.  We have lives we’re living…we work, we travel, we remodel our house (talk about a never ending project)…we have other things going on that are separate from our desire to be parents.  And, honestly, I “think” that’s the best thing for us.  If every day this adoption was the first thing on my mind when I woke up, and the last thing on my mind before I went to bed, I would probably drive myself crazy.  I’m glad that isn’t where we’re at, emotionally.  But, on the flip side of the coin, I worry that we’re not stressed enough.  We’ve been trying for a baby for so long, through so many cycles (mediated and unmedicated) and through so much hope and despair, that I wonder why I’m NOT thinking about this 24/7.  Do I not want to be a parent enough?  Should I want it more than I do?  Am I somehow a bad soon-to-be-mother because I don’t fill my days with books on child rearing and sleep schedules?  I mean…I don’t THINK I am…but every so often the concern is there.

So…in the meantime, we’re nearly 5 weeks into the wait for our baby.  In a way, that 5 weeks seems like a lifetime, and yet only a few hours.  I’m not sure when it will become “real” for me, or when I’ll start stressing about the wait, but I hope it’s much further down the line.  Instead, I’m going to keep focusing on the here and now, and getting as much out of life as I can before everything changes in a split second (for the better, to be sure, but a change nonetheless).  I’m going to continue to update the blog when the mood strikes, and when updates occur, and hopefully soon it will be the time to write the post that I’m most excited about, that our forever baby is in our arms.

Much love,
K.

Our Profile Book

One of the hardest parts about the home study process (for us, at least) was the profile book.  For those of you new to the adoption world, for many agencies, the process of being “matched” with a birth mother is pretty complex.

First, the adoptive couple fills out a sheet on preferences.  Every agency is different, but a lot of the questions are pretty standard.  Some of the standard ones are things that you will be willing to accept of the birth mother/adoptive child, and include things like special needs, if the birth mother has used drugs or alcohol during the pregnancy, mental illness in the family, and whether you’re willing to accept premature babies or birth mothers that haven’t had prenatal care during the pregnancy.  Some agencies also let you specify gender, but ours does not.

After you fill out the form, that gives the agency an idea for who they can share your profile with.  Which brings me to “the book.”  The profile book is what birth mothers look at to get a sense of potential parents for their child.  Our agency only shows the books of couples to birth mothers who meet the “criteria” that the adoptive couple said they were comfortable with, so depending on the birth mother, she could have a lot of books to look through, or only a few.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say, is that this profile book was a huge source of stress for me!  It basically is the sole contact the birth mother has with us as a potential adoptive couple until after we’ve been selected!  It has to show the birth mother how we relate to each other as a married couple, our family and friend support system, our beliefs and traditions, and anything else that might set us apart in the birth mother’s eyes.  So, no pressure, right?

But, we got there.  We put together our book using Mixbook, and were really happy with the quality and the options to personalize the book to our tastes.  The printed book looked exactly how we anticipated it looking, based on the “preview” feature on the website.  Overall, we were really happy (and, we waited for a sale, so got it at a discount too!).  Below you can see a few pages that we put together, just to get an idea!

 

The book was definitely a labor of love, but we’re both very happy with the finished product.  I hope it really gives birth mothers an idea of who we are as individuals, as well as who we are as a married couple.  I hope you enjoyed learning a little bit more about us as well!

Much love,
K.

Mother’s Day

This past weekend was Mother’s Day here in the US, and for the past 3 years, it’s been increasingly hard.  My first Mother’s Day after we started TTC was so soon after tossing the BCP, being pregnant wasn’t even a blip on my radar.  The following Mother’s Day, it was the anniversary of a year since we started TTC, and when I really started to accept the fact that getting pregnant might not be as easy as we had hoped.  The next year was after a few failed IUIs, and we hadn’t moved on to IVF yet as a possibility.

Then, this Mother’s Day came around.  Three years, 42 cycles, 3 failed IUIs, 1 failed IVF.  It’s been a very long road on the journey to become parents for me and the Mr.  Lots of excitement, only to see that turned into heartbreak, and lots of medical tests and procedures which didn’t produce anything.  Lots and lots of money spent with not much to show for it.  It’s hard to think about, at times, just how draining these past three years have been for us both.  My body has taken a beating, to be sure, and we’ve both suffered mentally.

However, there’s hope.  This year, Mother’s Day came with the knowledge that we’ve passed our home study and are now just waiting on our match.  This year came with the assurance that we WILL be parents, so long as we just stick it out and wait.  This year also came with the hope that, maybe, this year will be the last Mother’s Day that I get to watch everyone else celebrate, while sitting on the sidelines.  So far, I’m staying hopeful!

Much love,
K.