Countdown…48 days!

adoptI can’t believe that we are in the home stretch!  It’s 48 days until the official “due date”…and it completely and utterly boggles my mind!

Admittedly, stress is high.  I’m worried things will fall through, worried that something will happen, worried about becoming a parent…pretty much worried about everything you could think of.  I’m trying not to let it sully these coming weeks, but I have a feeling the next month is going to DRAG on forever.

The nursery is done.  We’ve been working on other house repairs in the hopes of getting all the big stuff completely before the baby is born.  It’s been a long process, but we’re at the tail end, so that is comforting!

Otherwise, we’re just waiting!  I feel like the wait is nearly at an end, but I’m also somewhat scared to get too excited.  It’ll definitely be an interesting month and a half!

Much love,


Nursery Update!

crib-and-decalThe nursery has been a source of such excitement (and sometimes despair) over the past month or so.  Before we even decided on adoption, we had painted the nursery, along with my craft room, a neutral grey.  It’s a very light grey, so it was easily considered “gender neutral.”  Then as the adoption wait continued, we decided on colors, rather than a theme: Navy, Turquoise, and Grey.  Colors that would work well with either a boy or a girl (and I do love a good Navy color!).

Then, a few weeks ago, the anatomy scan revealed that our Expecting Mother was having a baby girl, and all good plans went by the wayside!  I won’t lie, I had a moment of insanity where I wanted to scrap all the plans that we’d put in place for the nursery and start over with a blank slate…well, not blank, but a slate full of lush floral patterns, deep purples and hazy greys…and J immediately was having none of it.

Thankfully, cooler heads prevailed (especially before I tossed everything we’d already bought for the nursery) and I got back on track.  We looked far and wide for the right decal to put on the wall…something that brought out our love of travel and adventure, and something that would take up a fair amount of space on the wall.  We finally found one we both liked on Etsy, and last night we put it up on the wall!

It’s only a small start, but we have until June to make the room perfect.  I’ve been enjoying the slow process of putting it all together!

Much love,


The Countdown…133 days!

It’s crazy how my posts have taken such a turn…from counting down the months waiting for a match, to counting down the days until the baby is here!

Last week was the anatomy scan (which was quite the ordeal, in and of itself), and we were THRILLED to hear that the baby was doing very well, growing on schedule and looking perfect.  Our expecting mother also told us that the baby is a GIRL!!!  We are absolutely THRILLED to welcome a daughter into our family!

Our expecting mother is also doing well, but found out that she has a condition that could result in the need for a C-section instead of a vaginal birth.  We’re hoping things clear up and she is able to continue with the vaginal birth, but as long as she’s healthy and happy with the care she’s receiving, we’re completely fine with however this turns out.  She’s such a sweet and caring person, and we really care about how she’s doing and making sure she’s feeling happy and well taken care of.

We’re looking to make a visit to see her soon, hopefully mid-march.  She’d like to do a walk-through at the hospital with us, so that we can see where she’ll give birth and meet some of the staff.  In addition, she’s also asked that I be with her in the delivery room, which means a lot to me.  I was clear with her that if she changes her mind, it’s COMPLETELY ok, and I don’t want her to feel pressured to have me in there.  For now, that’s the plan, but I fully recognize that could change in an instant and just plan to play it by ear.

So…we’re 133 days (give or take) away from being parents.  It’s a crazy feeling, but we’re so excited!

Much love,

The Wait…Month Eight

dreamLast month I mentioned that I was hoping for a Christmas miracle.  Well, Christmas has come and gone, and while we didn’t get the miracle we wanted, we came somewhat close.

About a week before Christmas, we were approached by a second agency that we had been considering working with in the upcoming year.  They had a birth mother contact them about her 2-week old baby that she was considering an adoption plan for.  The agency wanted to know if we wanted to be considered, and if so, that we send them our profile book.

This was the first time I’ve actually KNOWN we were being shown to a birth parent regarding an adoption plan.  The agency that we started with (and are still working with), doesn’t let us know when our profile is shown, unless it’s a situation they’re not sure we’re comfortable with.  If that situation comes up, they would contact us and ask if we would like to be presented and we’d go from there…so far, that hasn’t happened.  Our agency assures us that our profile is being shown, and we love working with them and have only had good experiences, so no reason to think that isn’t the case.  They’re a smaller agency, with fewer placements, so it’s to be expected.

So, anyways…I got the phone call and I spoke with J about it, and we agreed that we’d like to be considered for the “baby born” situation.  We hurriedly send in our profile book to be printed off, so that the social worker could take it with her when she went to meet the birth mother, and J and I sat back, on pins and needles.

Obviously, since this post didn’t start out with “PLEASE MEET BABY X!” you can all guess where this went.  The birth mother, after what I’m sure was excruciating deliberation, decided to parent.  There were a few things leading up to this that made us suspect this might happen, plus the agency warned us that this was a riskier situation due to some issues with the father, so we hadn’t gotten our hopes up to high.  We wish the birth mother well, and only want the very best for her, and we communicated that to the agency.  And, with that…there went the Christmas miracle.

I won’t lie, I was hurting.  I had tried my best to keep myself grounded in the knowledge that these things fall through, it was already a higher risk, and all those other acknowledgements that you remind yourself of when trying not to get in too deep.  And yet, somehow, with all that, I still managed to think that “this could be it!”.

But, overall, it was a good experience.  Not the outcome we hoped for, but we were impressed with the second agency’s handling of the situation and the level of communication we had throughout that very long week of “where do we stand.”  We’re now in the 8th month of waiting, coming up on a year, and I have renewed hope.  Last week, we were closer to being parents than we had EVER been before, so I can only hope that this is a significant step forward towards our dream of parenthood coming true!

Who knows…maybe next month the blog post will start out significantly different!

Much love,

The Wait…Month Seven.

Seven months into our wait, and it’s getting harder around the holidays.  To top it off, the pregnancy announcements just keep coming, and I often find myself questioning if this is ever going to happen for us.  I know lots of people wait much longer than this, but it doesn’t make the pill any easier to swallow.

We are going to sign with a second agency in the new year.  We love our agency that we’re working with now, but we’re hoping to increase our chances for a faster match.  Hopefully this will do that…I just hate the financial aspect of it all.  I feel bad spending so much money on this; even though it’s very important to us both to be parents, I still feel so much guilt when it comes to spending money.  You’d think, after years of fertility treatments, I’d be used to it, but sadly not.

In other news, Thanksgiving was lovely.  We traveled to Connecticut to visit friends that we made while living in the Netherlands (they lived there as well and moved back to the United States shortly after us), and it was fantastic.  I ate too much, drank too much, laughed too much (ok, not really), and just relaxed.  It was a long drive (13.5 hours each way), but totally worth it.  Now that we’re back, this week will be spent decorating for Christmas and finishing up the shopping.  I love the holidays, but there is a bit of a damper on my spirit these past few years.  I’m trying to focus on the positive and keep praying for a Christmas miracle!

Much love,

The Wait…Six Months In

Looking back, I’ve had the realization that, when speaking about our journey to parenthood, I start a lot of sentences with, “It’s hard to believe.”

“It’s hard to believe we’ve been trying to conceive for over a year.”

“It’s hard to believe we’re still doing fertility treatments, 2 years in.”

“It’s hard to believe that, even after IVF, we’re still where we started, nearly 3 years ago.”

The truth is, a lot of things about this journey are hard to believe.  The desire to have a child and how overwhelming that can feel at times (I definitely never thought I’d feel that way), the years spent on fertility treatments which we finally realized were wasted, the money that’s been spent trying to grow our family (and realistically, is still being spent)…all of it is hard to believe at times.

So today, I sit here writing this post, marking the six month wait on our adoption journey, and I thought it my head, “Wow, it’s hard to believe it’s been six months.”  Yep, six months…and we’re nowhere closer to having a child than we were six months ago.  That being said, emotionally, I’m in a much better place than I was a year ago (when we realized that our IVF cycle was a complete and utter bust).  A year ago, I felt so completely lost and without hope…we couldn’t even get to a point where we were going to transfer an embryo.  Not even a “well, it must not have stuck” but a “well, there’s nothing here to go forward with.”  That hurt, and the news sucked, and all around it was such a horrible time.

But now…a year later, and six months into our adoption journey, even without the comfort of knowing we are matched with an expectant mother, I’m in a much better place emotionally.  I have hope again.  We’re putting the nursery together, piece by tiny piece, and I know that, eventually, we’ll have a tiny human in there to enjoy it!  I don’t when…but today?  Today, that’s ok.  I don’t need to know when, at least not today.

DISCLAIMER:  Not going to lie, some days are better than others on the whole “patience is a virtue” track.

Overall, we’re hanging in there.  I’m hopefully that, six months from now, our story is quite different and we can excitedly share details about the match, or maybe even our tiny human…but for now, I’m holding tight to the hope.  It’ll get us through this wait, no matter how long it takes.

Much love,

The Wait…Month Five

We are officially five months into our wait for baby J.  It’s been hard at times, worrying if we’re going with the right agency, if we should sign with two agencies at the same time, worried we’ll never be picked.  I know it’s only been five months, but at times it seems like it’s been a lifetime.

I’ve finished up the “boy” quilt and it’s now washed and dried, folded up in the closet in the nursery.  I have a few more projects (not related to the adoption) up my sleeve, so I’ll probably get started on those soon, something to keep my mind off the wait.

That’s about it, for now!  Not much going on here…just waiting!

Much love,