Starting Over

itsrealI realize it’s been awhile since I’ve posted.  Obviously, many days have passed, and so much has happened.

 

The match fell through and the adoption is off.

 

We lost contact with the expecting mom in early April.  We were concerned, but the agency was still in contact, so we tried not to worry about it.  Unfortunately, the agency also lost contact with her around the beginning of May.  At that point, we tried to reach out one last time, and didn’t hear anything.  We knew something was up, but wasn’t sure what.

We decided to stick with it until the birth, thinking maybe she was just in a bad place, and we didn’t want to abandon her.  We worried she had considered parenting, and if that were her decision, we were prepared to support that decision fully.  We didn’t hear anything for a bit, and decided to take a mini-vacation to Colorado over the Memorial Day weekend.

Once we returned, we heard back from the agency.  EM had given birth and the match was fully terminated.  It’s hard, and heartbreaking, but something that we always knew was a possibility.  That we would come to the end of this leg of the journey, and not necessarily have the outcome we desired.

So, here we are, back at the beginning.  I don’t relish the thought of starting over, but know there’s nothing else we can do aside from wait and pray.  We thank you all for your support and well wishes, they mean the world to us!

Much love,
K.

Countdown…48 days!

adoptI can’t believe that we are in the home stretch!  It’s 48 days until the official “due date”…and it completely and utterly boggles my mind!

Admittedly, stress is high.  I’m worried things will fall through, worried that something will happen, worried about becoming a parent…pretty much worried about everything you could think of.  I’m trying not to let it sully these coming weeks, but I have a feeling the next month is going to DRAG on forever.

The nursery is done.  We’ve been working on other house repairs in the hopes of getting all the big stuff completely before the baby is born.  It’s been a long process, but we’re at the tail end, so that is comforting!

Otherwise, we’re just waiting!  I feel like the wait is nearly at an end, but I’m also somewhat scared to get too excited.  It’ll definitely be an interesting month and a half!

Much love,
K.

More Nursery Work

When J and I first started talking about nursery stuff, one of the things everyone recommended was a recliner to sit in for feedings, readings, sleeping, etc.  Neither J or I are being recliner people…we’ve never had one and haven’t really missed it any.  However, we ARE both huge IKEA people…and our house is a good testament to that!  One of our favorite chairs in our house is our POANG chair that’s in our living room.  Honestly, I could sit in that thing for hours on end (and J DOES sit in it for hours on end), because it’s incredibly comfortable.  I like the bounce that it has from the leg design, and it’s great for just bouncing/rocking while watching TV.

So…we got a POANG chair for the nursery too!  I put it together a few weeks ago and the cats have been exploring it (like they do everything), but from the beginning I was a bit “meh” over the covers that IKEA currently have in stock.  Nothing really stood out to me, so I just got the boring beige cover that was the cheapest and vowed to recover it myself.  Because, you know…I don’t have enough projects.

poang chairThe fabric has changed multiple times throughout the nursery planning (including this GORGEOUS floral fabric that I bought and stashed away for when baby girl is a bit older), but I finally settled on a turquoise arrow fabric that plays off the wall decal that we have on the wall behind the crib.  I settled in and read some blog tutorials on how to recover the chair, and it seemed fairly easy!  Two yards of wide (54″) home decor fabric, a few sewed seams, and voila!  This was my first attempt, and when I do it again next time with different fabric, I’m sure I’ll make some changes to the design of the cover, but overall I’m pleased with the results!

The nursery is really coming together!  All we have left to do is get a dresser set up and then I think we’ll be finished!  10 weeks to go…counting down!

Much love,
K.

Nursery Update!

crib-and-decalThe nursery has been a source of such excitement (and sometimes despair) over the past month or so.  Before we even decided on adoption, we had painted the nursery, along with my craft room, a neutral grey.  It’s a very light grey, so it was easily considered “gender neutral.”  Then as the adoption wait continued, we decided on colors, rather than a theme: Navy, Turquoise, and Grey.  Colors that would work well with either a boy or a girl (and I do love a good Navy color!).

Then, a few weeks ago, the anatomy scan revealed that our Expecting Mother was having a baby girl, and all good plans went by the wayside!  I won’t lie, I had a moment of insanity where I wanted to scrap all the plans that we’d put in place for the nursery and start over with a blank slate…well, not blank, but a slate full of lush floral patterns, deep purples and hazy greys…and J immediately was having none of it.

Thankfully, cooler heads prevailed (especially before I tossed everything we’d already bought for the nursery) and I got back on track.  We looked far and wide for the right decal to put on the wall…something that brought out our love of travel and adventure, and something that would take up a fair amount of space on the wall.  We finally found one we both liked on Etsy, and last night we put it up on the wall!

It’s only a small start, but we have until June to make the room perfect.  I’ve been enjoying the slow process of putting it all together!

Much love,
K.

 

The Countdown…133 days!

It’s crazy how my posts have taken such a turn…from counting down the months waiting for a match, to counting down the days until the baby is here!

Last week was the anatomy scan (which was quite the ordeal, in and of itself), and we were THRILLED to hear that the baby was doing very well, growing on schedule and looking perfect.  Our expecting mother also told us that the baby is a GIRL!!!  We are absolutely THRILLED to welcome a daughter into our family!

Our expecting mother is also doing well, but found out that she has a condition that could result in the need for a C-section instead of a vaginal birth.  We’re hoping things clear up and she is able to continue with the vaginal birth, but as long as she’s healthy and happy with the care she’s receiving, we’re completely fine with however this turns out.  She’s such a sweet and caring person, and we really care about how she’s doing and making sure she’s feeling happy and well taken care of.

We’re looking to make a visit to see her soon, hopefully mid-march.  She’d like to do a walk-through at the hospital with us, so that we can see where she’ll give birth and meet some of the staff.  In addition, she’s also asked that I be with her in the delivery room, which means a lot to me.  I was clear with her that if she changes her mind, it’s COMPLETELY ok, and I don’t want her to feel pressured to have me in there.  For now, that’s the plan, but I fully recognize that could change in an instant and just plan to play it by ear.

So…we’re 133 days (give or take) away from being parents.  It’s a crazy feeling, but we’re so excited!

Much love,
K.

The Wait…Possibly Over?

So, at the end of last year/beginning of this year, my post mentioned that I felt 2017 would be “our year” to become parents.  And, looking back, it seems like that might have been a bit foreshadowing!  But, honestly, I had no idea how RIGHT those words would turn out to be when I was typing them!

WE’RE MATCHED!!

We actually were approached about an opportunity at the very end of the year, and had a phone conversation with the expecting mother on the 2nd of January.  We all seemed to hit it off quite well, and she immediately picked us as the adoptive parents for her child!

So…the little baby is due in June.  It’s a longer match, which makes J quite happy, as he now feels like he has “more time to plan.”  Frankly, I would have been happy with a baby born situation and just Amazon Prime’d everything, but he would struggled, so it’s probably worked out for the best this way.

We keep touch with the expecting mom weekly, just text chats here and there.  She’s very sweet and I enjoy talking with her, and we plan to make a trip to visit her sometime in March, so that we can meet before the baby arrives.  We are beyond excited, but also realize that this joy for us comes at quite a loss to her, and that really saddens us more than we can explain.

We’re aware nothing is guaranteed, so trying to be cautious in our excitement, but for now we’re just living in the present!  Growing our relationship with the expecting mother and working through paperwork with the agency.  It’s been a whirlwind, but I wouldn’t have it any other way!  Thank you so much, everyone, for all your well wishes, prayers, and comments…they’ve been so appreciated by us both!  Please keep us in your thoughts, and pray for our expecting mother and baby, as she goes through the pregnancy and the difficult decisions ahead of her.

Much love,
K.

The Wait…Month Eight

dreamLast month I mentioned that I was hoping for a Christmas miracle.  Well, Christmas has come and gone, and while we didn’t get the miracle we wanted, we came somewhat close.

About a week before Christmas, we were approached by a second agency that we had been considering working with in the upcoming year.  They had a birth mother contact them about her 2-week old baby that she was considering an adoption plan for.  The agency wanted to know if we wanted to be considered, and if so, that we send them our profile book.

This was the first time I’ve actually KNOWN we were being shown to a birth parent regarding an adoption plan.  The agency that we started with (and are still working with), doesn’t let us know when our profile is shown, unless it’s a situation they’re not sure we’re comfortable with.  If that situation comes up, they would contact us and ask if we would like to be presented and we’d go from there…so far, that hasn’t happened.  Our agency assures us that our profile is being shown, and we love working with them and have only had good experiences, so no reason to think that isn’t the case.  They’re a smaller agency, with fewer placements, so it’s to be expected.

So, anyways…I got the phone call and I spoke with J about it, and we agreed that we’d like to be considered for the “baby born” situation.  We hurriedly send in our profile book to be printed off, so that the social worker could take it with her when she went to meet the birth mother, and J and I sat back, on pins and needles.

Obviously, since this post didn’t start out with “PLEASE MEET BABY X!” you can all guess where this went.  The birth mother, after what I’m sure was excruciating deliberation, decided to parent.  There were a few things leading up to this that made us suspect this might happen, plus the agency warned us that this was a riskier situation due to some issues with the father, so we hadn’t gotten our hopes up to high.  We wish the birth mother well, and only want the very best for her, and we communicated that to the agency.  And, with that…there went the Christmas miracle.

I won’t lie, I was hurting.  I had tried my best to keep myself grounded in the knowledge that these things fall through, it was already a higher risk, and all those other acknowledgements that you remind yourself of when trying not to get in too deep.  And yet, somehow, with all that, I still managed to think that “this could be it!”.

But, overall, it was a good experience.  Not the outcome we hoped for, but we were impressed with the second agency’s handling of the situation and the level of communication we had throughout that very long week of “where do we stand.”  We’re now in the 8th month of waiting, coming up on a year, and I have renewed hope.  Last week, we were closer to being parents than we had EVER been before, so I can only hope that this is a significant step forward towards our dream of parenthood coming true!

Who knows…maybe next month the blog post will start out significantly different!

Much love,
K.