One Month…Amazing how life changes

The last time I blogged on here, it was to talk about how the match had fallen through and we were back in the waiting game.  A game that we were all too familiar with, after years of infertility.  Waiting for my period to start, waiting for ovulation, waiting through the 2WW, waiting for that elusive positive pregnancy test.  Then waiting for treatment cycles, waiting for IVF, and finally, waiting through the adoption process.

We were no strangers to waiting, that’s for sure.  And yet, everyone would tell me that the wait would one day be over, and our dream of having a child would come true.  All good things come to those who wait, many reminded me…and while that was true on so many levels, it’s hard to hear and even harder to practice.  But, like all good sayings that stand the test of time, it was true.

So, now I stand here, at my kitchen counter, staring at a baby monitor.  One month ago, our lives changed inexplicably.  It was two days after the 4th of July (and consequently, two days after we FINALLY finished our massive basement remodel, lovingly hash tagged as #homeremodelhell on Instagram), and I was sitting on the couch, binge watching “The Great British Baking Show” on Netflix.

(Sidenote:  Seriously, if you haven’t watched it, you need to.  RIGHT.  THIS.  SECOND.  Mary Berry is my grandmother dream…nothing like a boozy grandma, right there).

Anyways, as I was watching Netflix, J was out for a bike ride.  We’ve both been training for various triathlons, so he was on a training ride, and I was taking a morning off.  Then, my phone rang.  It was my contact at the agency.  Honestly, I didn’t think anything of it.  We chat via text quite frequently, and I thought maybe she was calling to ask for more books, or had a question about something or other on our home study.  Maybe, MAYBE, she was calling to tell us that an expecting mother liked our book and wanted to talk to us.

Nothing prepared me for the direction the conversation took, however.  “We had a mother give birth last night to a baby boy, and she loved you guys.  She wants to talk to you, as soon as possible.”

And thus, the journey began.  I’m pretty sure I asked her if she was sure at least four different times.  And then thanked her, and cried, and thanked her again.  Then she told me to call J and get him back from his training ride, as G (the birth mother) wanted to talk to us both.  So…I did.  And then I called J, and cried on the phone to him (he thought something was wrong with the cats because he couldn’t understand a word out of my mouth…poor guy), and he raced home.

We got on the phone with G, and talked for a half hour or so.  Getting to know each other, answering questions we each had.  She wanted to know what we wanted to name him (we had no clue), and we wanted to ask how “open” she’d like this adoption to be.  It was rushed, and hurried, and full of love and concern for one special little boy.

After getting off the phone, J and I pretty much raced around the house getting ready.  Baby boy was in Louisiana, which was a 13 hour drive, so we had to plan what all to take on our road trip.  Plus, with ICPC (Interstate Compact for Placement of Children), we had no idea how long we would be in Louisiana (typically 10-15 days to be allowed to leave the state and travel home), so we needed to take a lot of stuff to get through the stay.  After showering and packing the car, we got on our way and headed south!

We arrived and went straight to the hospital to meet the birth mom and the baby.  Words can’t describe just how many emotions went through our hearts and minds at the enormity of what was before both us and the birth mom.  It was incredibly hard to watch her grieve, but we tried to help where we could.

After being released from the hospital, little man came back to an apartment with us until paperwork cleared and we could go home.  Once that happened, we packed back up the car and started the journey back to our house.  From there, we’ve spent the past few weeks just getting settled.  Little man is schooling us in the ways of babies, but man it’s hard.  Worth every minute, but incredibly hard.  He’s now a little over a month old, and it continually amazes me just how much our lives have changed in just a little over 30 days.

The journey is just starting, and it’s sure to be a wild ride!

Much love,
K.

The Wait…Possibly Over?

So, at the end of last year/beginning of this year, my post mentioned that I felt 2017 would be “our year” to become parents.  And, looking back, it seems like that might have been a bit foreshadowing!  But, honestly, I had no idea how RIGHT those words would turn out to be when I was typing them!

WE’RE MATCHED!!

We actually were approached about an opportunity at the very end of the year, and had a phone conversation with the expecting mother on the 2nd of January.  We all seemed to hit it off quite well, and she immediately picked us as the adoptive parents for her child!

So…the little baby is due in June.  It’s a longer match, which makes J quite happy, as he now feels like he has “more time to plan.”  Frankly, I would have been happy with a baby born situation and just Amazon Prime’d everything, but he would struggled, so it’s probably worked out for the best this way.

We keep touch with the expecting mom weekly, just text chats here and there.  She’s very sweet and I enjoy talking with her, and we plan to make a trip to visit her sometime in March, so that we can meet before the baby arrives.  We are beyond excited, but also realize that this joy for us comes at quite a loss to her, and that really saddens us more than we can explain.

We’re aware nothing is guaranteed, so trying to be cautious in our excitement, but for now we’re just living in the present!  Growing our relationship with the expecting mother and working through paperwork with the agency.  It’s been a whirlwind, but I wouldn’t have it any other way!  Thank you so much, everyone, for all your well wishes, prayers, and comments…they’ve been so appreciated by us both!  Please keep us in your thoughts, and pray for our expecting mother and baby, as she goes through the pregnancy and the difficult decisions ahead of her.

Much love,
K.

The Wait…Month Eight

dreamLast month I mentioned that I was hoping for a Christmas miracle.  Well, Christmas has come and gone, and while we didn’t get the miracle we wanted, we came somewhat close.

About a week before Christmas, we were approached by a second agency that we had been considering working with in the upcoming year.  They had a birth mother contact them about her 2-week old baby that she was considering an adoption plan for.  The agency wanted to know if we wanted to be considered, and if so, that we send them our profile book.

This was the first time I’ve actually KNOWN we were being shown to a birth parent regarding an adoption plan.  The agency that we started with (and are still working with), doesn’t let us know when our profile is shown, unless it’s a situation they’re not sure we’re comfortable with.  If that situation comes up, they would contact us and ask if we would like to be presented and we’d go from there…so far, that hasn’t happened.  Our agency assures us that our profile is being shown, and we love working with them and have only had good experiences, so no reason to think that isn’t the case.  They’re a smaller agency, with fewer placements, so it’s to be expected.

So, anyways…I got the phone call and I spoke with J about it, and we agreed that we’d like to be considered for the “baby born” situation.  We hurriedly send in our profile book to be printed off, so that the social worker could take it with her when she went to meet the birth mother, and J and I sat back, on pins and needles.

Obviously, since this post didn’t start out with “PLEASE MEET BABY X!” you can all guess where this went.  The birth mother, after what I’m sure was excruciating deliberation, decided to parent.  There were a few things leading up to this that made us suspect this might happen, plus the agency warned us that this was a riskier situation due to some issues with the father, so we hadn’t gotten our hopes up to high.  We wish the birth mother well, and only want the very best for her, and we communicated that to the agency.  And, with that…there went the Christmas miracle.

I won’t lie, I was hurting.  I had tried my best to keep myself grounded in the knowledge that these things fall through, it was already a higher risk, and all those other acknowledgements that you remind yourself of when trying not to get in too deep.  And yet, somehow, with all that, I still managed to think that “this could be it!”.

But, overall, it was a good experience.  Not the outcome we hoped for, but we were impressed with the second agency’s handling of the situation and the level of communication we had throughout that very long week of “where do we stand.”  We’re now in the 8th month of waiting, coming up on a year, and I have renewed hope.  Last week, we were closer to being parents than we had EVER been before, so I can only hope that this is a significant step forward towards our dream of parenthood coming true!

Who knows…maybe next month the blog post will start out significantly different!

Much love,
K.

Orientation Session

Yesterday afternoon J and I headed back to the adoption agency for an orientation session.  This gave us a chance to meet with the coordinators and ask questions in a one-on-one setting, aside from what we’ve been sending emails about back and forth.

We arrived and headed straight in, then had a chance to sit around the table and just chat.  Because we’re heading on our cruise during the time when the full day class is taking place, we discussed the timing for how the home study would work.  Ideally, we’ll have everything turned in to the agency before we leave on our cruise (less than a month now!), and then schedule the home study for right after!  We’ll also create our book to have ready to hand over to the agency for when after the home study is approved.

I can’t believe that it’s moving along…almost seamlessly!  There’s a lot of paperwork we have to fill out, but it’s manageable.  It also gives me a big sense of accomplishment, to be able to finally feel like I’m checking off boxes and moving towards a goal.  The excitement is still mounting, and I feel like we’re just one step closer!

So far, we’ve filled out a few forms for CPS background checks.  I’m hoping that our electronic fingerprints can be sent to the agency from a background check we had completed late last year for a community group, so that will keep us from having to wait on new ones.  Our physicals are booked with our doctors, and next are some questionnaires we need to fill out about ourselves.  It should take a few weeks (or less, hopefully) to pull together…which really isn’t too bad in the grand scheme of things.

I know that once all this is completed, the hardest part will be in front of us…the waiting.  Waiting to be matched, waiting for the child to be born, waiting to bring the child home.  It’ll be hard, but I’m trying to keep my eyes on the end goal.  Either way, even if it is hard, we’re ready for it!

Much love,
K.