Starting Over

itsrealI realize it’s been awhile since I’ve posted.  Obviously, many days have passed, and so much has happened.

 

The match fell through and the adoption is off.

 

We lost contact with the expecting mom in early April.  We were concerned, but the agency was still in contact, so we tried not to worry about it.  Unfortunately, the agency also lost contact with her around the beginning of May.  At that point, we tried to reach out one last time, and didn’t hear anything.  We knew something was up, but wasn’t sure what.

We decided to stick with it until the birth, thinking maybe she was just in a bad place, and we didn’t want to abandon her.  We worried she had considered parenting, and if that were her decision, we were prepared to support that decision fully.  We didn’t hear anything for a bit, and decided to take a mini-vacation to Colorado over the Memorial Day weekend.

Once we returned, we heard back from the agency.  EM had given birth and the match was fully terminated.  It’s hard, and heartbreaking, but something that we always knew was a possibility.  That we would come to the end of this leg of the journey, and not necessarily have the outcome we desired.

So, here we are, back at the beginning.  I don’t relish the thought of starting over, but know there’s nothing else we can do aside from wait and pray.  We thank you all for your support and well wishes, they mean the world to us!

Much love,
K.

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Countdown…48 days!

adoptI can’t believe that we are in the home stretch!  It’s 48 days until the official “due date”…and it completely and utterly boggles my mind!

Admittedly, stress is high.  I’m worried things will fall through, worried that something will happen, worried about becoming a parent…pretty much worried about everything you could think of.  I’m trying not to let it sully these coming weeks, but I have a feeling the next month is going to DRAG on forever.

The nursery is done.  We’ve been working on other house repairs in the hopes of getting all the big stuff completely before the baby is born.  It’s been a long process, but we’re at the tail end, so that is comforting!

Otherwise, we’re just waiting!  I feel like the wait is nearly at an end, but I’m also somewhat scared to get too excited.  It’ll definitely be an interesting month and a half!

Much love,
K.

A Little Trip Down South

Last week, J and I took a trip down south to visit with the expecting mom (EM) we’ve been matched with.  Back when we were first matched, we asked her if she would mind if we came to visit her prior to the birth, just so we could meet and get to know each other better.  She was completely fine with it, and over the past few months we’ve been looking for a good time to make a trip.

Well, I’m happy to report that the visit went very well!  We had lunch and hung out, and I gave her the quilt that I had been working on for her.  She seemed to really like it, and both J and I really enjoyed our time hanging out and having lunch with her, getting to know her more and just talking.  It was really relaxed and felt really comfortable, which was exactly what we were hoping for!

EM is now moving into her 29th week.  She should be having a scan soon to see if her placenta previa has moved any.  If not, it’s likely they’ll schedule a c-section for her and the baby will come earlier than her due date.  It’s crazy to think that we’re only around 10 weeks out from meeting this baby!  I keep hoping that things continue along this path and that EM feels comfortable and confident in her decision to place, but a part of me worries constantly that it’ll fall through.  I know, statistically, it usually works out, but lately I’ve been hearing stories of the other side, where the placements fall through, and it has me terrified.

For now, we’re just keeping on, keeping on!  We’re still working on the house remodel projects and getting things ready.  Time is flying by and before long we’ll be (hopefully) very busy!

Much love,
K.

Nursery Update!

crib-and-decalThe nursery has been a source of such excitement (and sometimes despair) over the past month or so.  Before we even decided on adoption, we had painted the nursery, along with my craft room, a neutral grey.  It’s a very light grey, so it was easily considered “gender neutral.”  Then as the adoption wait continued, we decided on colors, rather than a theme: Navy, Turquoise, and Grey.  Colors that would work well with either a boy or a girl (and I do love a good Navy color!).

Then, a few weeks ago, the anatomy scan revealed that our Expecting Mother was having a baby girl, and all good plans went by the wayside!  I won’t lie, I had a moment of insanity where I wanted to scrap all the plans that we’d put in place for the nursery and start over with a blank slate…well, not blank, but a slate full of lush floral patterns, deep purples and hazy greys…and J immediately was having none of it.

Thankfully, cooler heads prevailed (especially before I tossed everything we’d already bought for the nursery) and I got back on track.  We looked far and wide for the right decal to put on the wall…something that brought out our love of travel and adventure, and something that would take up a fair amount of space on the wall.  We finally found one we both liked on Etsy, and last night we put it up on the wall!

It’s only a small start, but we have until June to make the room perfect.  I’ve been enjoying the slow process of putting it all together!

Much love,
K.

 

The Wait…Possibly Over?

So, at the end of last year/beginning of this year, my post mentioned that I felt 2017 would be “our year” to become parents.  And, looking back, it seems like that might have been a bit foreshadowing!  But, honestly, I had no idea how RIGHT those words would turn out to be when I was typing them!

WE’RE MATCHED!!

We actually were approached about an opportunity at the very end of the year, and had a phone conversation with the expecting mother on the 2nd of January.  We all seemed to hit it off quite well, and she immediately picked us as the adoptive parents for her child!

So…the little baby is due in June.  It’s a longer match, which makes J quite happy, as he now feels like he has “more time to plan.”  Frankly, I would have been happy with a baby born situation and just Amazon Prime’d everything, but he would struggled, so it’s probably worked out for the best this way.

We keep touch with the expecting mom weekly, just text chats here and there.  She’s very sweet and I enjoy talking with her, and we plan to make a trip to visit her sometime in March, so that we can meet before the baby arrives.  We are beyond excited, but also realize that this joy for us comes at quite a loss to her, and that really saddens us more than we can explain.

We’re aware nothing is guaranteed, so trying to be cautious in our excitement, but for now we’re just living in the present!  Growing our relationship with the expecting mother and working through paperwork with the agency.  It’s been a whirlwind, but I wouldn’t have it any other way!  Thank you so much, everyone, for all your well wishes, prayers, and comments…they’ve been so appreciated by us both!  Please keep us in your thoughts, and pray for our expecting mother and baby, as she goes through the pregnancy and the difficult decisions ahead of her.

Much love,
K.

The Wait…Month Eight

dreamLast month I mentioned that I was hoping for a Christmas miracle.  Well, Christmas has come and gone, and while we didn’t get the miracle we wanted, we came somewhat close.

About a week before Christmas, we were approached by a second agency that we had been considering working with in the upcoming year.  They had a birth mother contact them about her 2-week old baby that she was considering an adoption plan for.  The agency wanted to know if we wanted to be considered, and if so, that we send them our profile book.

This was the first time I’ve actually KNOWN we were being shown to a birth parent regarding an adoption plan.  The agency that we started with (and are still working with), doesn’t let us know when our profile is shown, unless it’s a situation they’re not sure we’re comfortable with.  If that situation comes up, they would contact us and ask if we would like to be presented and we’d go from there…so far, that hasn’t happened.  Our agency assures us that our profile is being shown, and we love working with them and have only had good experiences, so no reason to think that isn’t the case.  They’re a smaller agency, with fewer placements, so it’s to be expected.

So, anyways…I got the phone call and I spoke with J about it, and we agreed that we’d like to be considered for the “baby born” situation.  We hurriedly send in our profile book to be printed off, so that the social worker could take it with her when she went to meet the birth mother, and J and I sat back, on pins and needles.

Obviously, since this post didn’t start out with “PLEASE MEET BABY X!” you can all guess where this went.  The birth mother, after what I’m sure was excruciating deliberation, decided to parent.  There were a few things leading up to this that made us suspect this might happen, plus the agency warned us that this was a riskier situation due to some issues with the father, so we hadn’t gotten our hopes up to high.  We wish the birth mother well, and only want the very best for her, and we communicated that to the agency.  And, with that…there went the Christmas miracle.

I won’t lie, I was hurting.  I had tried my best to keep myself grounded in the knowledge that these things fall through, it was already a higher risk, and all those other acknowledgements that you remind yourself of when trying not to get in too deep.  And yet, somehow, with all that, I still managed to think that “this could be it!”.

But, overall, it was a good experience.  Not the outcome we hoped for, but we were impressed with the second agency’s handling of the situation and the level of communication we had throughout that very long week of “where do we stand.”  We’re now in the 8th month of waiting, coming up on a year, and I have renewed hope.  Last week, we were closer to being parents than we had EVER been before, so I can only hope that this is a significant step forward towards our dream of parenthood coming true!

Who knows…maybe next month the blog post will start out significantly different!

Much love,
K.

The Wait…Month Seven.

Seven months into our wait, and it’s getting harder around the holidays.  To top it off, the pregnancy announcements just keep coming, and I often find myself questioning if this is ever going to happen for us.  I know lots of people wait much longer than this, but it doesn’t make the pill any easier to swallow.

We are going to sign with a second agency in the new year.  We love our agency that we’re working with now, but we’re hoping to increase our chances for a faster match.  Hopefully this will do that…I just hate the financial aspect of it all.  I feel bad spending so much money on this; even though it’s very important to us both to be parents, I still feel so much guilt when it comes to spending money.  You’d think, after years of fertility treatments, I’d be used to it, but sadly not.

In other news, Thanksgiving was lovely.  We traveled to Connecticut to visit friends that we made while living in the Netherlands (they lived there as well and moved back to the United States shortly after us), and it was fantastic.  I ate too much, drank too much, laughed too much (ok, not really), and just relaxed.  It was a long drive (13.5 hours each way), but totally worth it.  Now that we’re back, this week will be spent decorating for Christmas and finishing up the shopping.  I love the holidays, but there is a bit of a damper on my spirit these past few years.  I’m trying to focus on the positive and keep praying for a Christmas miracle!

Much love,
K.