Looking back, I’ve had the realization that, when speaking about our journey to parenthood, I start a lot of sentences with, “It’s hard to believe.”
“It’s hard to believe we’ve been trying to conceive for over a year.”
“It’s hard to believe we’re still doing fertility treatments, 2 years in.”
“It’s hard to believe that, even after IVF, we’re still where we started, nearly 3 years ago.”
The truth is, a lot of things about this journey are hard to believe. The desire to have a child and how overwhelming that can feel at times (I definitely never thought I’d feel that way), the years spent on fertility treatments which we finally realized were wasted, the money that’s been spent trying to grow our family (and realistically, is still being spent)…all of it is hard to believe at times.
So today, I sit here writing this post, marking the six month wait on our adoption journey, and I thought it my head, “Wow, it’s hard to believe it’s been six months.” Yep, six months…and we’re nowhere closer to having a child than we were six months ago. That being said, emotionally, I’m in a much better place than I was a year ago (when we realized that our IVF cycle was a complete and utter bust). A year ago, I felt so completely lost and without hope…we couldn’t even get to a point where we were going to transfer an embryo. Not even a “well, it must not have stuck” but a “well, there’s nothing here to go forward with.” That hurt, and the news sucked, and all around it was such a horrible time.
But now…a year later, and six months into our adoption journey, even without the comfort of knowing we are matched with an expectant mother, I’m in a much better place emotionally. I have hope again. We’re putting the nursery together, piece by tiny piece, and I know that, eventually, we’ll have a tiny human in there to enjoy it! I don’t when…but today? Today, that’s ok. I don’t need to know when, at least not today.
DISCLAIMER: Not going to lie, some days are better than others on the whole “patience is a virtue” track.
Overall, we’re hanging in there. I’m hopefully that, six months from now, our story is quite different and we can excitedly share details about the match, or maybe even our tiny human…but for now, I’m holding tight to the hope. It’ll get us through this wait, no matter how long it takes.