First RE Appointment

After trying for quite some time, we figured it was time to see if there was something wrong. I didn’t really want to waste my time with useless appointments, so I found a Reproductive Endocrinologist (“RE”) that was well-respected in the area, and made an appointment at that facility.  I wasn’t sure initially if I should start with an RE, but a friend told me, “RE’s GET you pregnant, OB/GYNs KEEP you pregnant.”  Seemed like some good advice, so I went with it.

I called and made an initial appointment, and they were able to get in me relatively quickly.  They asked that both J and I fill out a huge amount of paperwork on our medical histories and family histories, and to bring in any charts that I had from our months trying to conceive.  Plus, of course, any questions that I had for the doctor (of which I had several).

I arrived at my appointment early enough to get checked in and relax a bit.  I didn’t figure there would be any tests ran that day, as I was outside the window for some of the tests that were dependent on specific cycle timing, so it was more of an information only type of appointment.  I met with the RE, who was incredibly kind, and we discussed our issues thus far.  He looked over my records, asked me a ton of questions, and we looked at my charts.  He said that everything looked normal, and that he wanted to run a check on my estrogen levels and do an ultrasound, once I was ready to ovulate, then a week later run blood work on my progesterone levels.  I made appointments for the two most likely days I’d ovulate this cycle, and was told to come in as soon as my Ovulation Predictor Kit (OPK) turned positive.  At that point, they’d run the initial blood work and the ultrasound.

I asked some more questions to feel comfortable with where we were, and then I was on my way.  The appointment lasted a little over an hour, and a ton of information was shared, but overall I felt comfortable with where we were headed.  There was a sense of relief in finally doing something about it, even if we had no new answers.

On the flip side, I also felt incredibly emotional, as it was such a letdown to be labeled “infertile” and to know that we’d have to jump through additional hoops to achieve something that seems so easy for others.  I also felt bad for J, as he never signed up for this…having a child was supposed to be easy!  Unfortunately, J was in China, so he wasn’t able to go with me to the appointment, but I gave him a call after and told him how I was feeling, and he was incredibly sweet and supportive, reminding me that we were in this together and he was ok with where we were headed with treatments and testing.  I really needed to hear that, as I was mid freak-out and could have used the reassurance.  Hopefully, the following week would give us more answers…

Getting to Here…

tumblr_nd6o4pVCds1u0mn5io1_500Our journey with trying to conceive, up until this point, has been pretty standard.  April 2013, we threw away the birth control pills and decided that we’d leave it up to chance for a few months (not trying, but not preventing either).  We used protection for the first month, until my first period came, and then went on our merry way with a “leave it up to fate” plan for a few months.

After a few months of that, we decided to get down to business with actively trying to conceive (TTC).  I started the addition of peeing on every stick in sight, in this case ovulation predictor kits (OPKs).  Surprisingly, my cycles were pretty regular, even from the very beginning when I went off birth control pills.  Every 25/26 days, my period would show up, and another cycle would start.  I was having positive OPKs every 13/14th day of my cycle, along with other fertile signs, so things seemed to be going well!  I was confident that, with my regular cycles, and our good timing with intercourse, it would only be a matter of time.

Well…if wishes were horse, and all that, then I wouldn’t be here writing up this blog post.  Needless to say, 3 months turned to 6 months without a positive pregnancy test.  6 months turned to 12, and 12 to 16, and suddenly, here I am.  So far, no pregnancy, and not for lack of trying.  It’s been frustrating and emotional each month as my cycle restarts, the ups and downs of hoping that I’ll be late, and the pregnancy test will be positive, to getting a negative test and my period the next day.  J was pretty good (emotionally) in the beginning, but even now he’s starting to feel the disappointment and emotional upheaval each month as well.

Thankfully, our marriage is stronger than ever.  We’re supportive of each other and know that we’re in this together, which is what gets me through the bad days.  I have to remind myself that, even if we’re never blessed with children, our marriage and lives together are fantastic and will be enough for us.  It’s hard, some days, because we both want this so badly, but we’re comforted in our solid relationship (though, of course we have rocky days…as does everyone), and keep up good communication.  He’s been my rock throughout all of this, and I’m so grateful for him in my life.  As we continue this journey, odds are it’ll only get harder, so I hope our solid foundation will help us come out even stronger.

An Introduction, Of Sorts…

tumblr_nd51g2AKWf1u0mn5io1_500∗Infertility∗

I toyed with whether I wanted to  ever talk about this with anyone (anonymous or otherwise).  It seems like such a taboo subject at times, which angers me because it’s just as much of a medical issue as illnesses like cancer or diabetes, and yet no one shies away from those topics.  My story is similar to many other women out there; prior to trying for a baby, I never gave much thought to my fertility.  I was on birth control for years, trying hard to prevent the very thing I now want more than my next breath.  Which, of course, is another kick in the gut, but that’s neither here nor there.

J and I were married in 2008.  From the beginning, we said we wanted to wait 3-5 years before trying to expand our family.  We wanted a chance to settle in to married life and enjoy our lives as a couple, without the added pressure of a baby at the very beginning.  Plus, I was still in school and wanting to graduate and at least get my career off the ground, before needing to step away from it for a while for children.  We had goals in place – financial goals, career goals, personal goals.  And I don’t regret that time we took for ourselves, not in the least.  Our marriage only got stronger, we traveled the world, and we’re now solid in our careers and finances.  We did everything we could to set ourselves (and our child(ren)) up for the best possible chance of success, as much as we could control.  And when we finally had the conversation where we decided we were ready to start trying, it was as though the sky was the limit and the world full of possibilities.  I still feel that way, at times, even after 18 months of trying with no results, but I’m also a bit more guarded in my excitement.  It was bound to happen, but was a sad day of realization, nonetheless.

This is my way of documenting and dealing with my struggles as I navigate the way through infertility.  I’ll be talking about treatments, therapies, coping strategies, and anything else that comes up in my mind.  I hope it’s healing for me, and if I can reach just one other couple also dealing with this painful situation, and help them even just a tiny bit, then I feel like this blog has accomplished it’s purpose.