The Wait…Month Five

We are officially five months into our wait for baby J.  It’s been hard at times, worrying if we’re going with the right agency, if we should sign with two agencies at the same time, worried we’ll never be picked.  I know it’s only been five months, but at times it seems like it’s been a lifetime.

I’ve finished up the “boy” quilt and it’s now washed and dried, folded up in the closet in the nursery.  I have a few more projects (not related to the adoption) up my sleeve, so I’ll probably get started on those soon, something to keep my mind off the wait.

That’s about it, for now!  Not much going on here…just waiting!

Much love,
K.

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More Nursery Schenanigans

fabric2Ok…not really schenanigans, more so that it’s just another opportunity for me to take on another hobby that I will inevitably spend too much money buying supplies on.

A month or so ago, I decided that I wanted to make another blanket for the nursery.  Crochet will always be my first love, but I didn’t want everything to be crocheted in the room, and I’ve been wanting to do more sewing for quite some time, so I thought now was a good time to get started.  So…I started YouTubing for some easy quilt tutorials and came across one from Fat Quarter Shop called Jelly Roll Jam.  It looked fairly easy (because, well, everything on YouTube looks easy!), and I really liked the finished product, plus all the fabric was precut, so I was hoping this was a safe bet for a first quilt.  I asked a few of my quilting friends and they all told me it was a good starter quilt, so I felt better about my plan.  I stalked some fabric websites, picked out some fabric, bought the “necessary” supplies, and am now getting ready to go!

My fabric came in last night.  I ended up buying two Jelly Rolls so that I could mix and match the fabric lines.  I plan on making TWO quilts, a “boy” quilt and a “girl” quilt.  We have no idea what sex we’ll end up being matched with, so I figure I can put them both up in the closet and then pull out the right quilt when the time comes.  I can either just put up the other quilt (in the hopes that we adopt a second child), or I can pass it on to a friend with a child…or the cats will just “liberate” it for their use.  We’ll see…or maybe we’ll adopt twins!  If I sew it, they will come, right??

I plan on getting started later today, and I’ll do another post on my progress.  Of course, the lady on YouTube sews the entire top of the quilt in 20 minutes, but I have a feeling it’ll take quite a bit longer for me.  I’ll post photos once it’s something more than a pile of fabric strips though!  Wish me luck on my newest hobby!

Much love,
K.

Agency Update

in loveAfter the home visit was completed, our social worker told us to check up with the agency in a few months to see how things were going.  She had a few comments on our book during the home study, and said it might be something that was brought up with the expecting mothers, and if it was mentioned by them the agency would let us know and we could make changes to the book.  They were all super easy things, such as some expecting moms like to see full pages and tons of photos of our family and extended families, photos of us with our multicultural friends, etc.  All very easy to update, and all things I had considered, but didn’t add into the book because I didn’t want it to be 100 pages long.

I sent off an email to the social worker and the Director at the agency earlier this week.  I know they’re a small agency and the response time probably wouldn’t be immediate, but I was curious to see how things were going.  The Director responded back yesterday with an update on the situation and how things are going.

It was an update/not an update.  I mean, it was the best she could provide, and I appreciate the time she took to write it, but anything less than “we’ve just matched you” probably wasn’t going to wow me.  They’ve shown our book several times in the last month, and no one has suggested anything they’d like to see differently, so no recommendations for changes.  She said that she’ll continue to get our profile out there as much as possible, but that was about it.  And, I understand that…there isn’t anything she can really do about the number of mothers coming in wanting to put together an adoption plan for their child, or who they pick to parent their child.  We just have to sit back, be patient, and pray that God has a plan for us and that we’re open to it.  It’s hard, and very frustrating at times, but J and I are still confident that this is the right path for us and that it’ll happen.

And, that’s about it.  Still waiting, still hanging out, but making more progress on the nursery!  I’ll post photos once all the artwork is hung on the walls!

Much love,
K.

The Wait…Three Months and Counting

It’s been a little over three months since we went “live” with our agency, and we’re still waiting.  I try to tell myself that we were told, up front, that the average wait time was 18-24 months, and we’re nowhere near that…but it’s hard.

Yesterday was a bit of a kick in the head.  A really good friend of mine has been thinking she’s been going through menopause (she’s in her mid-forties), and we’ve been talking about that.  I encouraged her to take a pregnancy test, just in case, because this woman is one of the most fertile people I’ve ever met.  She really didn’t think she was pregnant, but yesterday morning she decided to test just in case.  She’s pregnant, shocked, and excited (this will be child #4), and I am thrilled for her!  However, not five hours later, from finding out she’s pregnant, another friend who had started the adoption journey at the same time as us posted on her FB page that they had turned in their final bits of paperwork last week, and that same day they were matched with an expecting mother due in a week.  Last weekend, the baby was born and they’ve already brought her home.  Their “wait” for a match was half a day, and their daughter was home within a week.

And, honestly, I am so happy for them, but I’m also frustrated and sad and disappointed for us.  It’s like every time I breathe, someone new is getting pregnant, having a child, and now, getting matched and bringing home a baby.  It feels like there is this gaping hole in my chest that doesn’t seem to want to close, and with each day I worry that this will never happen for us.  I know we’re early in the adoption wait, but it’s been YEARS now that we’ve been trying for a child.  I know I just need to keep faith that this is all part of God’s plan and it WILL happen, but there are times when I’m doubtful.  We’ll get through it, and I’m sure I’ll get my positivity back eventually, but I think it might take a little bit.  I’m trying very hard not to wallow, so for the next few weeks I’m just going to do my best to focus on home remodel projects, exercise and eating healthy, and other fun things in life.  We’ll be going to Washington D.C. at the end of August, so I’m looking forward to that!  And, who knows…maybe my next update will be that we’re matched!

Much love,
K.

The Wait…Two Months In

It’s been two months since our home study was approved and our book went on the shelf.  There are days when it feels like just yesterday we were doing all the paperwork associated with the home study, and then there are days when it feels like we’ve been in a holding pattern forever.  While last month, I said that it doesn’t quite feel real at this point, this month is vastly different.  I wish I could say it was for the better, but it’s really not.

This past month, it has felt like we’re just spinning our wheels.  I hate feeling like I have zero control over any of this.  At this point, there is literally nothing we can do.  The paperwork is done, everything is finalized, we are just waiting for someone to pick us, and there’s not much I can do to speed that up.  I’m going to wait another month before contacting the agency for feedback and whether or not they’ve shown our book, just so they will have had plenty of time and opportunity to show it to birth moms.  I don’t want to bother them all the time about it…our agency is small and I know everyone is super busy.

J and I have discussed what we’ll do if this drags on.  We’ve talked about another round of IVF next year, if nothing comes from it by then.  We’ve also talked about signing on with a second agency, or an adoption law firm, to help see if that speeds things up.  I feel, in my heart, that adoption is the right path for us, but I get tripped up by my own impatience at times.  I feel like I’ve been waiting FOREVER to be a mother.  After we were married, I waited until J was on the same page about having children (he wasn’t ready as quickly as I was, and that was ok), then after we started trying to conceive, it was years of failures and treatments and more failures, and more money, and nothing to show for it.  And now, that we’ve moved on to adoption, it’s even more waiting.  There are days where I am so tired of waiting, I could scream.  And I try to keep it in perspective, but it’s hard at times.

So…that’s where we are.  Two months in.  It seems like such a pitiful amount of time, when you look at it as only 60 days, but to me it feels as though it’s a lifetime.  A lifetime of watching more friends get pregnant, give birth, parent their children, and a lifetime of wondering if that will ever be a reality for us.  I hope month three brings me some renewed hope and optimism, and I will definitely be working on my patience!

Much love,
K.

The Wait…One Month In

I know the idea of blogging about our wait, one month at a time, must make it seem like I’m stressed out about how long this will take.  And some of you (hell…who are we kidding, probably MOST of you) are thinking, “Woah, girl…slow it down, it’s only 30 days in and you’re already stressed out?  This wait is gonna suck for you!”  And, you’d be right.  Sort of…

The weird truth is, I’m not really stressed.  In fact, I’m still trying to come to grips with the reality that we’re in.  Realistically, I know that we could be matched at any time (be it tonight, or two years down the road), but it still seems somewhat surreal.  Like there’s someone behind a curtain waiting to spring out and tell us, “Just kidding!  You have 5 more documents to sign, 8 more background checks, and 2 more letter of recommendation.  Oh, and also, your house needs a petting zoo” or something equally ridiculous.  I guess it just doesn’t seem REAL at this point.

Most days, I wake up, and this adoption is the furthest thing from my mind.  We have lives we’re living…we work, we travel, we remodel our house (talk about a never ending project)…we have other things going on that are separate from our desire to be parents.  And, honestly, I “think” that’s the best thing for us.  If every day this adoption was the first thing on my mind when I woke up, and the last thing on my mind before I went to bed, I would probably drive myself crazy.  I’m glad that isn’t where we’re at, emotionally.  But, on the flip side of the coin, I worry that we’re not stressed enough.  We’ve been trying for a baby for so long, through so many cycles (mediated and unmedicated) and through so much hope and despair, that I wonder why I’m NOT thinking about this 24/7.  Do I not want to be a parent enough?  Should I want it more than I do?  Am I somehow a bad soon-to-be-mother because I don’t fill my days with books on child rearing and sleep schedules?  I mean…I don’t THINK I am…but every so often the concern is there.

So…in the meantime, we’re nearly 5 weeks into the wait for our baby.  In a way, that 5 weeks seems like a lifetime, and yet only a few hours.  I’m not sure when it will become “real” for me, or when I’ll start stressing about the wait, but I hope it’s much further down the line.  Instead, I’m going to keep focusing on the here and now, and getting as much out of life as I can before everything changes in a split second (for the better, to be sure, but a change nonetheless).  I’m going to continue to update the blog when the mood strikes, and when updates occur, and hopefully soon it will be the time to write the post that I’m most excited about, that our forever baby is in our arms.

Much love,
K.

Our Profile Book

One of the hardest parts about the home study process (for us, at least) was the profile book.  For those of you new to the adoption world, for many agencies, the process of being “matched” with a birth mother is pretty complex.

First, the adoptive couple fills out a sheet on preferences.  Every agency is different, but a lot of the questions are pretty standard.  Some of the standard ones are things that you will be willing to accept of the birth mother/adoptive child, and include things like special needs, if the birth mother has used drugs or alcohol during the pregnancy, mental illness in the family, and whether you’re willing to accept premature babies or birth mothers that haven’t had prenatal care during the pregnancy.  Some agencies also let you specify gender, but ours does not.

After you fill out the form, that gives the agency an idea for who they can share your profile with.  Which brings me to “the book.”  The profile book is what birth mothers look at to get a sense of potential parents for their child.  Our agency only shows the books of couples to birth mothers who meet the “criteria” that the adoptive couple said they were comfortable with, so depending on the birth mother, she could have a lot of books to look through, or only a few.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say, is that this profile book was a huge source of stress for me!  It basically is the sole contact the birth mother has with us as a potential adoptive couple until after we’ve been selected!  It has to show the birth mother how we relate to each other as a married couple, our family and friend support system, our beliefs and traditions, and anything else that might set us apart in the birth mother’s eyes.  So, no pressure, right?

But, we got there.  We put together our book using Mixbook, and were really happy with the quality and the options to personalize the book to our tastes.  The printed book looked exactly how we anticipated it looking, based on the “preview” feature on the website.  Overall, we were really happy (and, we waited for a sale, so got it at a discount too!).  Below you can see a few pages that we put together, just to get an idea!

 

The book was definitely a labor of love, but we’re both very happy with the finished product.  I hope it really gives birth mothers an idea of who we are as individuals, as well as who we are as a married couple.  I hope you enjoyed learning a little bit more about us as well!

Much love,
K.