The Wait…Possibly Over?

So, at the end of last year/beginning of this year, my post mentioned that I felt 2017 would be “our year” to become parents.  And, looking back, it seems like that might have been a bit foreshadowing!  But, honestly, I had no idea how RIGHT those words would turn out to be when I was typing them!


We actually were approached about an opportunity at the very end of the year, and had a phone conversation with the expecting mother on the 2nd of January.  We all seemed to hit it off quite well, and she immediately picked us as the adoptive parents for her child!

So…the little baby is due in June.  It’s a longer match, which makes J quite happy, as he now feels like he has “more time to plan.”  Frankly, I would have been happy with a baby born situation and just Amazon Prime’d everything, but he would struggled, so it’s probably worked out for the best this way.

We keep touch with the expecting mom weekly, just text chats here and there.  She’s very sweet and I enjoy talking with her, and we plan to make a trip to visit her sometime in March, so that we can meet before the baby arrives.  We are beyond excited, but also realize that this joy for us comes at quite a loss to her, and that really saddens us more than we can explain.

We’re aware nothing is guaranteed, so trying to be cautious in our excitement, but for now we’re just living in the present!  Growing our relationship with the expecting mother and working through paperwork with the agency.  It’s been a whirlwind, but I wouldn’t have it any other way!  Thank you so much, everyone, for all your well wishes, prayers, and comments…they’ve been so appreciated by us both!  Please keep us in your thoughts, and pray for our expecting mother and baby, as she goes through the pregnancy and the difficult decisions ahead of her.

Much love,

The Wait…Month Eight

dreamLast month I mentioned that I was hoping for a Christmas miracle.  Well, Christmas has come and gone, and while we didn’t get the miracle we wanted, we came somewhat close.

About a week before Christmas, we were approached by a second agency that we had been considering working with in the upcoming year.  They had a birth mother contact them about her 2-week old baby that she was considering an adoption plan for.  The agency wanted to know if we wanted to be considered, and if so, that we send them our profile book.

This was the first time I’ve actually KNOWN we were being shown to a birth parent regarding an adoption plan.  The agency that we started with (and are still working with), doesn’t let us know when our profile is shown, unless it’s a situation they’re not sure we’re comfortable with.  If that situation comes up, they would contact us and ask if we would like to be presented and we’d go from there…so far, that hasn’t happened.  Our agency assures us that our profile is being shown, and we love working with them and have only had good experiences, so no reason to think that isn’t the case.  They’re a smaller agency, with fewer placements, so it’s to be expected.

So, anyways…I got the phone call and I spoke with J about it, and we agreed that we’d like to be considered for the “baby born” situation.  We hurriedly send in our profile book to be printed off, so that the social worker could take it with her when she went to meet the birth mother, and J and I sat back, on pins and needles.

Obviously, since this post didn’t start out with “PLEASE MEET BABY X!” you can all guess where this went.  The birth mother, after what I’m sure was excruciating deliberation, decided to parent.  There were a few things leading up to this that made us suspect this might happen, plus the agency warned us that this was a riskier situation due to some issues with the father, so we hadn’t gotten our hopes up to high.  We wish the birth mother well, and only want the very best for her, and we communicated that to the agency.  And, with that…there went the Christmas miracle.

I won’t lie, I was hurting.  I had tried my best to keep myself grounded in the knowledge that these things fall through, it was already a higher risk, and all those other acknowledgements that you remind yourself of when trying not to get in too deep.  And yet, somehow, with all that, I still managed to think that “this could be it!”.

But, overall, it was a good experience.  Not the outcome we hoped for, but we were impressed with the second agency’s handling of the situation and the level of communication we had throughout that very long week of “where do we stand.”  We’re now in the 8th month of waiting, coming up on a year, and I have renewed hope.  Last week, we were closer to being parents than we had EVER been before, so I can only hope that this is a significant step forward towards our dream of parenthood coming true!

Who knows…maybe next month the blog post will start out significantly different!

Much love,

The Wait…Month Seven.

Seven months into our wait, and it’s getting harder around the holidays.  To top it off, the pregnancy announcements just keep coming, and I often find myself questioning if this is ever going to happen for us.  I know lots of people wait much longer than this, but it doesn’t make the pill any easier to swallow.

We are going to sign with a second agency in the new year.  We love our agency that we’re working with now, but we’re hoping to increase our chances for a faster match.  Hopefully this will do that…I just hate the financial aspect of it all.  I feel bad spending so much money on this; even though it’s very important to us both to be parents, I still feel so much guilt when it comes to spending money.  You’d think, after years of fertility treatments, I’d be used to it, but sadly not.

In other news, Thanksgiving was lovely.  We traveled to Connecticut to visit friends that we made while living in the Netherlands (they lived there as well and moved back to the United States shortly after us), and it was fantastic.  I ate too much, drank too much, laughed too much (ok, not really), and just relaxed.  It was a long drive (13.5 hours each way), but totally worth it.  Now that we’re back, this week will be spent decorating for Christmas and finishing up the shopping.  I love the holidays, but there is a bit of a damper on my spirit these past few years.  I’m trying to focus on the positive and keep praying for a Christmas miracle!

Much love,

The Wait…Six Months In

Looking back, I’ve had the realization that, when speaking about our journey to parenthood, I start a lot of sentences with, “It’s hard to believe.”

“It’s hard to believe we’ve been trying to conceive for over a year.”

“It’s hard to believe we’re still doing fertility treatments, 2 years in.”

“It’s hard to believe that, even after IVF, we’re still where we started, nearly 3 years ago.”

The truth is, a lot of things about this journey are hard to believe.  The desire to have a child and how overwhelming that can feel at times (I definitely never thought I’d feel that way), the years spent on fertility treatments which we finally realized were wasted, the money that’s been spent trying to grow our family (and realistically, is still being spent)…all of it is hard to believe at times.

So today, I sit here writing this post, marking the six month wait on our adoption journey, and I thought it my head, “Wow, it’s hard to believe it’s been six months.”  Yep, six months…and we’re nowhere closer to having a child than we were six months ago.  That being said, emotionally, I’m in a much better place than I was a year ago (when we realized that our IVF cycle was a complete and utter bust).  A year ago, I felt so completely lost and without hope…we couldn’t even get to a point where we were going to transfer an embryo.  Not even a “well, it must not have stuck” but a “well, there’s nothing here to go forward with.”  That hurt, and the news sucked, and all around it was such a horrible time.

But now…a year later, and six months into our adoption journey, even without the comfort of knowing we are matched with an expectant mother, I’m in a much better place emotionally.  I have hope again.  We’re putting the nursery together, piece by tiny piece, and I know that, eventually, we’ll have a tiny human in there to enjoy it!  I don’t when…but today?  Today, that’s ok.  I don’t need to know when, at least not today.

DISCLAIMER:  Not going to lie, some days are better than others on the whole “patience is a virtue” track.

Overall, we’re hanging in there.  I’m hopefully that, six months from now, our story is quite different and we can excitedly share details about the match, or maybe even our tiny human…but for now, I’m holding tight to the hope.  It’ll get us through this wait, no matter how long it takes.

Much love,

The Wait…Month Five

We are officially five months into our wait for baby J.  It’s been hard at times, worrying if we’re going with the right agency, if we should sign with two agencies at the same time, worried we’ll never be picked.  I know it’s only been five months, but at times it seems like it’s been a lifetime.

I’ve finished up the “boy” quilt and it’s now washed and dried, folded up in the closet in the nursery.  I have a few more projects (not related to the adoption) up my sleeve, so I’ll probably get started on those soon, something to keep my mind off the wait.

That’s about it, for now!  Not much going on here…just waiting!

Much love,

Boy Quilt…More Quilting Along!

boy-quiltRecently I posted about my newest hobby, quilting.  I can’t believe I have waited this long to try it, it’s so much fun!  Plus, all the fabulous fabrics out there really allow you to make something special and completely unique.

This is the “boy” version of the quilt that I already posted, that we’ll use for the baby once we adopt.  Since we’re not sure on sex, I’ve made a boy and a girl quilt, and then I can donate the one we don’t end up using.  They’re both made from the Jelly Roll Jam quilt pattern from Fat Quarter Shop, and these quilts are a BLAST to make!

I haven’t had a chance to back this quilt yet, and do the machine quilting, but that is my plan for the weekend.  I’m excited to get it finished, because I’ve already ordered more fabric for some holiday projects from Fat Quarter Shop, and really want to get started on them!  Hopefully, in the next few months, I’ll be able to tell you all which quilt we’re using, which will be really exciting!!

Thanks for hanging in there with us during this journey.  Your comments, prayers, and support are so appreciated.

Much love,


The Wait…Month Four

We’re a little over four months in our wait for a match.  I feel like time has been flying, but that’s probably because we’ve been trying to keep busy this summer.  We’ve been traveling for fun, and I’ve also been traveling for work, plus we’ve been working on the house continuously.  The basement is nearly completed, and we’ll soon start working on the nursery furniture!

I still struggle with the wait a lot.  I know nothing will make it go faster, that this is just the process, but it’s hard at times.  I just try to keep things in perspective, that everything will happen in the time it’s supposed to, and while we wait J and I can focus on our marriage and getting everything ready for the little one!

Much love,