One of those days…

me34Today is just “one of those days.”  You know the kind; from the moment you wake up it just immediately goes to shit and nothing seems to recover after that.  And usually, it’s not even anything major that sets you off!  Just one innocent event in a long line of innocent events, and the next thing you know the camel’s back is decidedly broken, with a tiny ass stick next to it.

Woke up this morning and made the epic mistake of stepping on the scale.  And, it’s not bad…I’ve put on close to 10 pounds in the past few months.  Not the end of the world, and definitely something I can take back off again.  But I just felt like this was the miniscule stick that was going to break me!  I’m unhappy in my job, I can’t get pregnant to save my life, and now we’re in the middle of a Hail Mary IUI before we head firmly down the path of IVF.  For the past year, my body/weight was the one  thing that I felt really confident and happy with!  And that was awesome.  I was healthy, at a good weight for my height/body type, eating really well, inhaling the fruits and veggies and whole foods that are good for you…you name it, I was on it.  And now…even that seems to be failing.

And logically, I know this is all interconnected.  I know that fertility hormones are wreaking havoc on my body, and probably causing some of this weight gain.  I know that I’m drinking more than I used to (though, by no means am I drink a lot).  We’ve been traveling and eating out more, all things that will cause weight gain.  But I just hate that this feels like one more thing I’ve lost control of, in the long list of other things beyond my control.

DH suggested that maybe we take a break from TTC after this last IUI.  I think the idea has merit…a few months to just be us, re-evaluate some of our newly formed habits, and get ourselves in the right frame of mind to start IVF.  I know it’s going to be even more emotional than these IUIs have been, with all the hormones that they’ll be pumping into me, so I want to get myself in a place where I am as relaxed as possible.  I know it won’t be easy, but I think it’s doable.  We’d have to take July off for testing anyways, so I’m thinking starting the testing in August or September, then IVF the month following that (barring any unforeseen problems).  I need to talk with the RE about options and where this will take us anyways, so it might be a good idea to take a few months to recollect ourselves, and sort out the logistics (finances being a big one).

Sigh…it started off as a craptacular day…but I have to remember that I can control how the rest of the day goes.  Hopefully I can turn it around, and enjoy my Friday!  Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!

Much love,
K.

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