I toyed with whether I wanted to ever talk about this with anyone (anonymous or otherwise). It seems like such a taboo subject at times, which angers me because it’s just as much of a medical issue as illnesses like cancer or diabetes, and yet no one shies away from those topics. My story is similar to many other women out there; prior to trying for a baby, I never gave much thought to my fertility. I was on birth control for years, trying hard to prevent the very thing I now want more than my next breath. Which, of course, is another kick in the gut, but that’s neither here nor there.
J and I were married in 2008. From the beginning, we said we wanted to wait 3-5 years before trying to expand our family. We wanted a chance to settle in to married life and enjoy our lives as a couple, without the added pressure of a baby at the very beginning. Plus, I was still in school and wanting to graduate and at least get my career off the ground, before needing to step away from it for a while for children. We had goals in place – financial goals, career goals, personal goals. And I don’t regret that time we took for ourselves, not in the least. Our marriage only got stronger, we traveled the world, and we’re now solid in our careers and finances. We did everything we could to set ourselves (and our child(ren)) up for the best possible chance of success, as much as we could control. And when we finally had the conversation where we decided we were ready to start trying, it was as though the sky was the limit and the world full of possibilities. I still feel that way, at times, even after 18 months of trying with no results, but I’m also a bit more guarded in my excitement. It was bound to happen, but was a sad day of realization, nonetheless.
This is my way of documenting and dealing with my struggles as I navigate the way through infertility. I’ll be talking about treatments, therapies, coping strategies, and anything else that comes up in my mind. I hope it’s healing for me, and if I can reach just one other couple also dealing with this painful situation, and help them even just a tiny bit, then I feel like this blog has accomplished it’s purpose.